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How to speak the Essex dialect!!
This is an invaluable guide...... for those people that are thinking of returning to their roots, or who are planning to venture into the darkest depths of Essex. (Which is a task not for the faint-hearted!)
alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item (how much is it)
amant - Quantity; sum total (''Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend'' (Amount)
assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc (housebound)
awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost (''That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day'') (horse)
branna - More brown than on a previous occasion (''Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on a bleedin sunbed?'') (more brown)
cort a panda - A rather large hamburger, 1/4 lb
Dan in the maff - Unhappy (''Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff'') (down in the mouth)
eye-eels - Women's shoes (highheels)
Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre. (Thurrock)
garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired: (''Oi, Shaun, I fink the motah needs ta go in the garrij cos it aint working proper'') (garage)
Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island!
lafarjik - Lacking in energy (''I feel all lafarjik'') (lethargic)
OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs
paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport, all daily paipa's!
reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover (''I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig'') (rebound)
Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on, oliday! (Southend-on Sea)
up tan - The city of London, the big smoke (uptown)
webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. (''Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on for me government handouts in arf hour'')
wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police
zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. (''I told ya a farzzand times already'') (exaggerate)