Joke 1

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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Joke 2

So I went to the dentist.
He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog's died."
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Joke 3

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
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Kids are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.


TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father''s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog.


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.