Wife: "What are you doing?"
Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."
Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It''s very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy''s lap."
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"
Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."